Notes

I'm going to preface this post by saying that if you have difficulty reading sugary posts without vomiting, then it's best that you skip this one and wait until I find my next inspiration.

Stu and I like to leave each other notes.  When he was working overtime and I barely saw him for a couple of weeks, I used to hide notes in his lunch or the pocket of his jacket.  Just a few words to tell him that I was thinking of him, something to make him smile.  Sometimes we write each other notes about something ridiculous one of the cats has done, or we saw something that we reminded us of each other.  At the end of the day, when we write each other notes, it's just another form of communication, a way to strengthen our bond, an expression of love.

This morning I found a note on the kitchen counter (our bedroom is off the kitchen.)  P.S. We also have sickening nicknames for each other.  I'll give you a second to grab your barf bucket.

                                  Note 1:

                                                  Boo Bear

                                                  There's a note for you by the computer!!

                                                  *mwah*

                                 Note 2:

                                                 You found it! *mwah*

                                                 Boo Bear, there's a note by the t.v.

                                                 *mwah*

                                Note 3:

                                                 Good Girl!

                                                 Boo Bear! *mwah*

                                                 We have a new tv!

                                                 And I love you very, very, much.

                                                 xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

                                                 -Stu

I know, right? Normally this kind of saccharine outpouring of affection would make me vomit if I saw it happening on a sitcom or in a movie.  But somehow, when it's my husband, aka my best friend and soul mate, who is the one writing and leaving these notes, all I feel is loved.  And there was a huge smile on my face.

And the smile wasn't caused by the fact that we got a new 40", flat screen, LED, 1080p with internet hook-up for $185 (thanks to hording some gift cards and getting cash from parental units for Christmas for this very thing.)

I was smiling, because despite all the shitty stuff that Stu and I have endured over the years - and trust me, there's been a lot, he still does goofy, random things like this because he knows it will make me smile.                                          

 

Laundry Wars

For those of you that don't know much about me, I live in a triplex in the basement apartment.  Stu and I moved in here two years ago after my mother-in-law's cancer diagnosis.  She owns the building and lives in the second floor apartment with my sister-in-law.  The main floor apartment has housed some of the "special" people in the world, including a fraudster, an inconsiderate couple and their child, Stampy, and our newest tenants - a family of four that happens to include two small children, one of which has tantrums for the bulk of the time that she's home.  The small spawn of satan hits her parents and screams at them - a lot.  I think she's about five years old.  She also beats up on her younger brother. 

Happy 2011!

2011

Wow.  2011.  I can't believe it's January 1st already.  So many things have happened in 2010... school contracts, five years with my soulmate, 1st wedding anniversary, being pregnant, and the subsequent loss...life changing, soul giving/losing events... I can't believe that I survived it all.  And there's a part of me that wonders if I have.

But I am definitely going to try.

I want so badly to put 2010 behind me.  To look forward to starting 2011.  Moving beyond the negative things that have affected me (no shooting that non-grammatical wine drunk me!) to the future.  And I am looking towards the future. 

I have applied to college again.  I hold an honour diploma in Corrections, but I am as far as I'm going to go, unless I start at the bottom again... which I really can't do.  I applied to a paralegal program.  I weirdly miss the criminal justice system.  I want a fresh start.  I want something that will challenge me, and honestly, the work I was doing really wasn't.  So, I will be starting a 3 semester accelerated program in September *hopefully if they love me!* 

The desire to move forward is overwhelming... I miss my little bean so much, but I can't imagine going through the illness again.  I need something else to hold on to. 

And that's not to say that I'm not holding on to Stu.  I'm holding on to him with everything I have.  Just before I started this wine-fuelled post (are you impressed that I'm somewhat lucid?  I am!) I cried in his arms for not being able to make him the amazing father that I know he could be.  And he held me, and told me that it would be okay, and told me that he only needed me.

That's why I married him.

So, for my new year's resolution... well, I'm not making one.  Instead I'm re-affirming the promises that I've made at different times throughout my life.  I will love more.  I will continue to see the beauty in the world around me.  I will tell those that  are important to me that I love them, every chance I get.  I will continue to live my life and move forward.  I will live my life.

I may not have a life changing reality show epiphany, but I will continue to roll with the punches.  Punches looks funny when you write it after 2 bottles of wine, fyi.

So...my message to you, is this: May your dreams be fulfilled, may your lives be filled with happiness and love, and may you find what you're looking for....

Lost

Things have been really tough lately.  And it all started around the time of my last post.  While I was expecting the nausea and vomiting of the cursed morning sickness, I did not expect it to last from the time I woke up until the time I went to sleep.  I wasn't vomiting at first, just felt like I was on the verge of it. ALL.  DAY.  LONG.  I wasn't so excited by it.